Breaking up with an illusion.

“Are you attracted to who they actually are or just their potential?” @werenotreallystrangers

We no longer measure the pain of a break-up by time. In my opinion, illusions are harder than actual relationships because you could only see what you wanted to see.

Not all is lost.

You have learnt not to ignore repeated behaviours; you have learned not to paint yourself a colourful picture when it is just black and white.   

“Love isn’t this adrenaline rush of emotions. Love isn’t tearing someone apart. Love isn’t pain. Love isn’t confusion. Love doesn’t leave you wondering. Love isn’t trying so hard to keep someone’s attention.” – Kirsten Corley, But Before You Leave

I don’t believe in the “I’m not ready for a relationship” cop-out.

I don’t believe anybody is ever ready. This just comes naturally if you truly care about someone. We don’t make excuses up for things that matter.

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

The perfect five words that really mean: I don’t want to be involved with you anymore but I do not have the balls to tell you honestly.

Rejecting someone will always be unpleasant, so why hesitate about how to say it? Just throw out a classic, cheesy romcom line! It almost sounds too easy, right?

A decade ago, “it’s not you, it’s me” meant the problem was within themselves and not you… But nowadays it is such a comical line that is used to mock breakup scenes in rom-coms that you expect people not to be stupid enough to use it… Which is why the modern-day has rephrased it to “I’m just not in the right headspace for a relationship right now.”

They often soften the blow with “we can be friends” or “I’ve just got a lot going on at the moment.”

Translation: “I used you because I was too immature to decide what I wanted and now that I’m bored of you I’m trying to let you down easy to salvage the last bit of ‘nice guy’ reputation that there is left.” Inner response: Something that dickheads say to make them feel less of a dickhead.

If they sugar-coat the real reasons behind the end of the relationship, then they are ‘not obliged’ to feel any guilt, no?

Occasionally, these people would rather dismay the situation as if it never happened and consequently brush off the guilt, almost like you never existed to them in the first place.

They probably won’t even hear you out because they’re too immature to handle the situation that they created.

They may even doubtfully attempt to convince themselves that you’re a bad person to self-justify that treating you badly was rational… Until they then realise that they just treated you badly instead.

By the point of realization, they continue to ignore you because they have to swallow their pride. They know that any self-respecting human wouldn’t settle for not even the basic elements of human respect, and that’s really why they haven’t come back.

Meanwhile, you’re scatter-brained; wondering where it all went wrong or what you could’ve done differently to change the outcome.

You bound to make the journey to accepting the end of a relationship a little easier by blaming it on errors which is why I think relationships that end with dishonest explanations are some of the worst; even something so undefined.

At the start of a relationship, we have the tendency to hide any faulty traits that may have previously ruined a past relationship, for obvious reasons.

These problems can fester under the surface and start to get rather annoying. Although these may not be things that warrant an abrupt 180-degree discard, the likelihood is that they are too afraid to communicate these problems with you, and while what seems like one small problem to you, is a multiplied equation on their part.

This is compatibility rather than inherent worth.

We go wrong by fixating on where it all went wrong. If we had done this differently, or that differently, maybe things would be different.

But if you’re relationship was based on a few what-if’s, then it was never secure, and you need security in a healthy relationship.

You don’t want to miss out on all those good people out there just because you have been hurt. Your love life is only one aspect of your life.

Stop worrying about where you’re headed, and who’s headed with you.

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