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PSYCHOLOGY

Living in fear of covert abuse.

“Stay away from those who push you off the edge and then ask how you fell off ” – Fairies.

Covert abuse is impossible to prove because it’s always extremely calculated. You can’t prove that they’re posting Facebook statuses about you because they’re indirect, but you know it intuitively.

Manipulators use the most important things, or people in your life to tease you so that you feel frightened to misstep in case you are giving them more ammunition to sabotage you, and the things you care about most. This is indirect blackmail.

They will exploit you to your safe people for coercion, leaving you feeling apprehensive and frightened, but also alone, too.

Note: oftentimes they tell you that everyone is a liar so that you only trust them when they’re really the ones who are lying to you, and will perhaps bring in other people to strengthen their case – e.g. “This person thinks you’re wrong too.”

What’s cowardly isn’t feeling inferior or vulnerable, but making someone feel inferior or vulnerable.

When people cause a problem with a motive to exploit you, there is no correct way to react to the problem unless it corresponds with their plot.

They may address a problem with you in such a subtle way that only you know it’s borderline bullying.

But without proof, you will just look ‘crazy’ in addition to actually doing their dirty work for them.

If you defend yourself, your overwhelming reaction will only vindicate their perspective even though your reaction was valid. If you discard the problem, you will be mocked as a ‘coward’ for rising above it. If you try to set boundaries, your inconvenient words to them will just fall on deaf ears.

You were probably once any easy-going person and held off reacting for as long as possible, but inevitably, you were always going to feel tormented enough to erupt, which, is what they were counting on amid provoking you.

Your reasonable reaction will be exaggerated to prove to everyone that you are capable of doing all of those that you are being accused of.

Even if you stand up for yourself, they will just cunningly remind you that you are acting defensively so that you don’t even try to defend yourself; looking even more guilty.

But, if you apologize, they will use your acknowledgment to weaponize any mistake against you.

Are they checking in on you or checking they still have access to you?

Triangulation is a tactic used to pit people against each other by causing chaos, then harnessing that chaos to control the situation. For example, setting a fire just so that they can put out the flames to appear as the hero.

They may show a stimulated interest in you from time to time to hinder you from talking ill about them to others and because they need to check that they still have control over you. Without control over you; they fear you.

They will use kindness as a strategy yet what they say doesn’t align with how they act.

These types of people will spend more time rationalising their behaviour rather than simply improving it; but you will find that any decent, humble human being won’t try to tell you how kind they are but instead, they will simply show how kind they are.

The thing is, now we are wise enough to detect danger using our intuition. Negative energy wakes up your intuition! Genuine people know how to sense a liar from a mile off!

Manipulators may be persuasive, however only a fool wouldn’t question their true suspicions…

Just remember: are you co-dependent on your abuser or are they co-dependent on you?

Don’t waste your energy on those who can hear you but fail to listen to you.

You could explain yourself so clearly, but you are still going to be interpreted differently.

It is not worth explaining yourself to someone who will always find the flaws in your sincerity.

They will proceed to try and cross your boundaries but remember, you control what you respond to.

Do they really need an explanation for a situation that they created?

“Stop arguing with people who are committed to misunderstanding you.” – Ayishat Akanbi

If you start a conversation seeking to address an issue with them they will undermine your valid feelings.

Frankly, you’re just met with blatant annoyance, thereby come up with a diplomatic solution that evenly distributes the blame, and therefore gives you both a chance to apologise.

But in the end, you find that you’re the only one apologising. And on top of all that, your apology will then be used to strengthen their case.

Then you spend hours, even days, obsessing over the argument.

You’ll feel as though you’ve exhausted all of your emotional energy to accomplish absolutely nothing, and you will have a million pre-planned arguments in your head, ready to respond to all the unaddressed points you couldn’t even keep up with.

You send desperate texts in an attempt to fix everything, unaware that they’re using these as proof of your insanity, even if the only person they’re trying to prove your insanity to is you; yourself; to amplify your self-doubt.

“You have to quit other people to save yourself sometimes.” – Stephanie Bennett-Henry.

I know that setting boundaries can be daunting; especially when you are in a war with fear.

Everything that you lose, a new perspective is gained. You become wiser, stronger, and conscious of what you do not wish to tolerate.

At first, positive situations can feel negative. However, nothing was worth it if you had to lose yourself for it.

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